


Locked Up

by trepidatingboarfetus



Category: Grand Theft Auto Series (Video Games), Grand Theft Auto V
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Repressed, M/M, Mutual Pining, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:00:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27551929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trepidatingboarfetus/pseuds/trepidatingboarfetus
Summary: From the newly released The Lost Boys Volume One GTA V Fanzine!My little heart is turning blackFor your heart, but I've got your backWaiting up for some loveThat never comesI'm a mess, I'm a wreckBut you wouldn't know
Relationships: Michael De Santa/Trevor Philips
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	Locked Up

**Author's Note:**

> Remember me mentioning that I was busy working on a huge-ass GTA V Fanzine project with a friend and a bunch of kickass writers and artists? Well, it's out!! Go grab it! 
> 
> https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1wuK7xUDkj4vioR6lWT3eqaeelOHmMwv3
> 
> Locked Up is by Big Deal.

_Gotta find a way to break you down_

_Pushing till you let me in_

_You don't have to be alone_

_Maybe you're not, I wouldn't know_

_Cause you keep it all locked up_

Trevor laid before him, sleeping off another bad night of whatever the fuck had caused him to go on a bender and cry himself hoarse. He had remembered the words “mom,” “dad,” “fucking doctors who think they know everything,” and “fucking feelings” coming up at least several times, and as much as he had tried to talk to his often volatile friend, he had been pushed away and told to fuck off. 

So he had kindly fucked off until the sobbing started, but try as he might, he couldn’t ignore that. It took him to places in his memories where he had been a little boy, crying in the corner of his room, huddled under covers and pillows while his parents fought each other for the hundredth time that week, and he went forgotten without anything to eat, just a permanent pain in their ass. 

He had cursed at himself silently and moved towards the bed, chewing on his knuckles anxiously until he caught himself doing that and cursed again, this time openly. What the fuck was he supposed to do? They hadn’t been running together _that_ long, just under a year, but fuck, he cared about the guy and the night terrors seemed to be ramping up in the brief time he’d known him. 

And so he had stayed sitting next to Trevor on the bed, watching over him while he cried himself to sleep, and even as he slept, he still hadn’t moved, remaining like some breathing golem. 

Occasionally, he whimpered in his sleep, and it called to something buried deep within Michael, dared him to reach out and touch him, like gently stroking and taming some sort of wild spirit only he could understand, but he’d shake his head and wonder what the fuck had gotten into himself. 

Another bad terror moved through the boy who was barely a man next to him, and it shook his whole body, almost appearing like a seizure and worried Michael nearly to death. Trevor’s longish locks were slick with sweat and clinging to his skin, and he panted as if he were in pain. It went on for several minutes like that until his eyes shot open, and he screamed, “ _MIKEY!_ ”

Michael grabbed his friend’s hand reassuringly. “Whoa, buddy. What is it? I’m right here.”

Hazel eyes peered up at him warily, and a tongue darted out to lick quivering lips. “You...you wouldn’t leave me, would you?”

“Where the hell is this coming from?” He looked at Trevor in confusion. What had ever given him the idea that he’d do that??

“Just answer the fucking question, will ya!” Trevor barked at him, nearly snarling like a mad dog that had been prodded, and Michael inched away from him out of habit until he noticed how that left a sorrowful look in his friend’s eyes. 

What the fuck had Trevor been through already in his time on this planet? “No, I wouldn’t just up and leave you. You should know that by now.”

“I don’t know anything,” Trevor mumbled half-heartedly, more to himself than to Michael. “People always leave me.” It felt like his eyes were penetrating Michael’s soul. “You’ll leave me too.”

Then he laid back down and turned his back to Michael. 

He sat quietly contemplating the not-quite-a-boy-or-man beside him, not understanding how to get through to him, to get him to see that they were in this _together_ , and he had meant it. Michael Townley was a man of his fucking word. 

His hand had a mind of its own and reached out to stroke Trevor’s back before he had even finished the thought, but as soon as he realized he was doing it, it wasn’t so bad. Why had he been so nervous about doing this? 

And so he rubbed Trevor’s back in earnest who answered with one long groan of suffering and looked back at him with a glare as if he’d done the worst goddamn thing in the world instead of just trying to help ease his friend’s misery. 

“What the _fuck_ are you _doing_ , Michael??”

Michael choked slightly as if he had been thrust back to the days when he was still getting caught jerking off by his mom, but then he thought about who was in front of him and stared back, steeling himself. “I was just trying to make you feel better, you dumbass. Jesus, there’s no need to snap my head off.”

Trevor heaved a huge sigh and ground his hand down his face. “You _aren’t_ fucking helping at all.”

“Well, how the fuck _can_ I help?? Tell me!” It was silent for several minutes with Trevor looking just like a scared rabbit, eyes darting everywhere except Michael. “For fuck’s sake, say _something_!” 

“What do you _want_ me to say??” Trevor cried out and started to sob again. “You _can’t_ help!” In a smaller voice, he admitted, “ _You’re_ part of the problem.”

“What the fuck did _I_ do??” he shouted back exasperated. For fuck’s sake, they _had_ to be able to talk to be partners even if they weren’t the world’s best at this chick shit because their relationship would never last if they couldn’t get past stupid small stuff like this. 

_...when had he started viewing them as a relationship?_

Trevor moaned into his hands. “You exist, OK? You...you’re here, and you exist.”

“That doesn’t even make any fucking sense.”

“Why are you making me spell it out, Mikey? Do you like torturing me? I mean, so did everyone else,” Trevor whispered into the darkness of the room. 

That was more about his past than he’d ever told Michael so far, but it came on the back of riddles that needed to be figured out, and it honestly sounded as if his friend was saying that he was the reason for his pain which made him frown. He didn’t like that, didn’t like it at all. “I’m sorry if I’m hurting you, T. You’re my friend, you dipshit. You’re supposed to say something if--”

“I DON’T WANT TO BE ‘ _JUST FRIENDS_ ,’ YOU COCK TEASE!” Trevor yelled into his face with the force of a wailing banshee, panting just as he had been when he came out of his fevered dream. “Do...d-do you get it now? Do you hate me now? Are you going to leave?” he whispered with his eyes closed.

He was stunned into silence. Never in his life had he been on the end of something like this. Yeah, he’d played football, and everyone joked about who did what to whom, but no one had ever dreamed of doing anything to him beyond the same set of girls who’d followed him everywhere. 

It’s not like he hadn’t had random thoughts or dreams at times, but he just hadn’t acted on them. He’d thought it was that way for everyone. 

And now he had a living, breathing confession right here in front of him, screaming at his body to do something, anything, just _do something_. Why didn’t he move??

Trevor looked at him sadly and moved away from him. “You’re going to leave. All the same.”

His same offending hand reached out without his permission and touched the person it desired, gripping his shoulder tenderly. Michael sighed lowly. “I’m not going to leave. You’re my friend, and I...I love you, OK?”

His friend shivered like an old dog, chilled to the bone. “No, you don’t. You’re going to leave, and I’m going to be alone again just like in my fucking dream.”

He grabbed Trevor’s hands and held them. “You’re not alone. I’m here.” And then his body did something before his mind could react. 

Their lips met, and he’d never known that Trevor’s lips could be so soft or sweet like beer residue and maple, but he knew that he didn’t want to stop tasting. And he liked the sounds his friend made while his tongue slipped inside for more of that taste. 

His heart thumped wildly behind its bony cage. This was something wonderful and scary at the same time, and he wasn’t sure what it was because it was all new, just like those days long ago now when he’d realized that the person next to him was more important than just “some contact.” 

What was it about this guy? Why him? He was like a damsel in distress minus the damsel part. He did things, brought out sides of Michael that had long laid dormant. He wanted to rescue Trevor, to fix him, to help him, protect him. 

“I’m at my best when I’m with you.” It was as simple as that to him. 


End file.
